I used to let silence destroy me.
One unanswered message and my mind would flip through every scenario.
Are they mad? Did I say something wrong? Do they not care? Am I too much?
It was like I needed immediate reassurance or I’d fall into a hole of overthinking I couldn’t climb out of.
But recently, I’ve been working hard to change that. Because the truth is: feeling ignored doesn’t always mean I am being ignored. And even if I am, that doesn’t mean I’m unworthy of care or attention.
Here’s how I stop spiraling when it feels like someone is pulling away:
1. I Name the Story I’m Telling Myself
The second I feel that familiar tightness in my chest, I pause and ask:
“What’s the story I’m making up right now?”
Usually it sounds like:
- They don’t care about me.
- They’re tired of me.
- I’m too needy.
Just naming it helps me separate fact from fiction. Because most of the time, it is fiction. A narrative built on fear, not truth.
2. I Get Out of My Head and Into My Body
When I spiral, I disassociate. I start living in the “what-ifs” instead of what’s real.
So I ground myself-literally.
- I go outside and feel the sun.
- I take a shower and feel the water.
- I move my body to shake off the tension.
The goal is to come back to the moment, because spirals feed off disconnection.
3. I Let Silence Be Neutral, Not a Threat
Not every pause is personal. People get busy. People shut down. People process things differently.
I remind myself:
- I’ve left people on read too, not because I didn’t care-but because I was drained or distracted.
- Someone’s delay doesn’t automatically mean rejection.
- Not everything needs to be solved right now.
4. I Tend to My Own Needs Instead of Chasing Validation
If I’m spiraling, it’s usually because I feel unseen or insecure. Instead of trying to get that validation from them, I ask:
- What do I need right now?
- How can I give myself reassurance without begging for it?
- What would I tell a friend in my exact shoes?
Sometimes I journal it out. Sometimes I distract myself with something calming. But the point is-I focus inward, not outward.
5. I Remind Myself I’m Still Whole, Even in the Silence
This is the hardest one to hold onto-but the most healing.
- I don’t need someone’s reply to feel real.
- I don’t need constant confirmation to be worthy.
- I’m allowed to take up space-even when someone else goes quiet.
Final Thoughts
Feeling ignored can hurt in a deep, personal way-especially if you’re someone who values connection and communication. But spiraling doesn’t help. It just makes the silence feel louder.
So I’m learning to meet that silence with softness. To hold space for my feelings without letting them take over.
And to trust that even when it’s quiet-I’m still enough.
Please checkout my blog on 3 Small Ways I Ground Myself
